


Please don't go where I can't follow

by Yukiuki



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Baby Lee Chan | Dino, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:14:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29961459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yukiuki/pseuds/Yukiuki
Summary: "Love isn't what the mind thinks, love is what the heart feels". Joshua has read that quote in his brother's book before and it took him all by surprise. To him, listening to your mind is more worthy and more reasonable as the decisions are always made from your observation.He for sure did not know one clear fact about love: If the heart wants something, even if it fails the moral, your mind doesn't have the right to against its will.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 3





	Please don't go where I can't follow

**Author's Note:**

> A fight leads to a realization 
> 
> Note: My first SEVENTEEN fanwork with one of my most favourite ships. If you like this, please kindly scroll down to give a kudo or maybe a comment to encourage me. More updates will be released in the meantime.

"Love isn't what the mind thinks, love is what the heart feels". Joshua has read that quote in his brother's book before and it took him all by surprise. To him, listening to your mind is more worthy and more reasonable as the decisions are always made from your observation. 

He for sure did not know one clear fact about love: If the heart wants something, even if it fails the moral, your mind doesn't have the right to against its will. 

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

It's during one of his breaks at school. He had a seat near Jeonghan, his sibling in class. Jeonghan was talking to him about some cartoon shows on the TV when he stood up and went out. Joshua was relaxing quietly on his own when suddenly Jordan, who was a spoiled kid by his family and always had some beefs with Joshua, went straight to him asking:   
\- Hey Josh ?  
\- Huh ? (He looked up to see the sly smile on his classmate's face)   
\- What's the relationship between you and him ? (He motioned to Jeonghan, who had left)  
\- ...Siblings,. ? (He replied questionably)  
\- Nah, not that. We all know you two are indeed twins as you said (He shrugged) but that wasn't what I was asking you. I meant, are you guys really biologically siblings ? (Jordan pointed his finger at Joshua)  
\- What do you mean ?! (Joshua got slightly upset, what was this kid's intention ?)   
\- The way you two act around each other, never walk without being hand in hand just saying that you two might not be siblings. How did you know that you were related to blood when you literally had no memory when you were born ?  
\- First, we are truly siblings, there are proofs for it that I can show you if you want to. Second, what if we weren't then ? What would you do ? But more important, is that what you should care about ?.   
\- Hey! I was just asking, why would you get mad !? (Jordan replied in a high tone voice)   
\- Because you were intruding into my privacy, haven't you been taught about being respectful ? (Joshua got up and went out of class with the look of shock from the whole class)

He went to the washroom and met Jeonghan there. He was standing at the wash basin and he immediately asked him when he saw him coming:   
\- Joshuji, why are you here ? (Jeonghan was washing his hands)   
\- Jordan. (He replied in annoyance)   
\- That spoiled one ? What did he do to you while I was gone ?   
\- Just some unworthy stuff.  
\- I remember he is scared of me, isn't he ?  
\- I have no idea. He just tends not to pick on me when you are around. (Joshua shrugged)   
\- Did he make you leave ?   
\- No, I got upset with him so I left.  
\- You got upset ? (He asked in disbelief)   
Joshua nodded:   
\- You shouldn't have any relation with someone like him honestly, he's really a pain in the ass. (Jeonghan turned off the faucet and proceeded to dry his hands)   
Joshua smacked his head right away without warning with made him hold his head and turned back to glare at Joshua:  
\- Hey! What was that for ? (Jeonghan whined while pouting)   
\- You're not allowed to say bad words in front of me. I'm not going to tolerate that. (He said nonchalantly)   
\- Yeah, yeah. (Jeonghan rolled his eyes, stood up straight and walked past him). But you didn't have to hit me! Even Daddy does curse!   
\- Only when he is in stress, do you think our Papa would let him do that in front of us ?. We are still young, we can happen to learn, but we shouldn't fulfill our vocabularies with only them.  
Jeonghan just hummed back as a response while walking away. Joshua followed him right behind and managed to keep up. They got back to class and silently sat down with the stare from their classmates, including Jordan. Jeonghan offensively looked around and asked in a sarcastic voice:  
\- What is there to look at us like that, guys ?   
Joshua looked at him in surprise and nudged him but Jeonghan was not going to step back, he wanted to know what Jordan said to Joshua that made him upset like that. Obviously he would get curious as Shua was known as the gentleman in class, he barely raised his voice with everyone, but today Joshua did raise his voice, and did get mad. One of the kids, with black hair and round face, replied after a while just looking at others:   
\- Well, it's because it's our first time to see Jisoo (He gestured) you know,.. so we kinda got a bit shocked.   
\- Yep! I was just asking him politely!! (Jordan exclaimed)   
\- Hmm,.. I must say that I know my brother pretty well, he never gets mad even just a little, so it's kinda new to see him like that. Can I ask what you asked him then ? (Jeonghan quirked his browns playfully)   
\- I literally just asked: are YOU (Jordan pointed at Jeonghan) and HIM (then he moved to Joshua) really siblings! (He put his finger down and crossed his arms)  
Joshua really wanted to tell Jeonghan to stop but he refrained himself from doing so as he wanted to see what his brother would do. He didn't know why, he just didn't feel the need to stop the thing called "revenge". Instead, he reached for Jeonghan's hand and held it secretly as he was watching how the story would unfold:   
\- Oh ? Why would you ask him that then ? Don't we look like twins to you ? (Jeonghan smiled and Joshua right away knew that, that smile wasn't a good one)  
\- You two really expect me to look at you both and convince myself that you are siblings ? We're not blind! If I had a brother like Joshua, I would call the Protection Children Services right away. Look at how he looks at you when you're talking, how he secretly holds your hand while you don't give care! That is so sick. (He exclaimed loudly while moving his arms as he was saying)   
Jeonghan's smile slowly faded away:   
\- Ugh! It's so frustrating to see you guys act like some love birds. Especially you! (He pointed at Joshua)   
\- Me,..? (He widened his eyes)  
Joshua always knew that Jordan was a spoiled brat, he had been called to the principal room several times because of his arrogant and haughty attitude toward his classmates and teachers. His words were never pleasant to hear even if you were on your happiest days. Joshua never tried to be on his side or had any relation with him, mostly because he had offended Joshua many times before. But he never did that when Joshua was with Jeonghan, maybe Jordan feared his younger brother in some ways. Albeit today Jordan seemed like he wanted to trigger Jeonghan, he had no clue about if it was true or not, but what was happening right now just told him Jordan would not step back until he reached his purpose. Back to the present, after the offensive from Jordan, Jeonghan calmly held back his hand while Jordan was monologuing in sarcasm:   
\- If I was you, I would never act like that toward my brother. Looking at them with such loving eyes ? Holding their hands ? Sometimes pecking them on the cheeks ? That's so disgusting! Yuck! (He frowned in disgust). Why would anyone call you "gentlemen'' then ?. Hey!! Why didn't you guys call me gentlemen like him ? What's the difference between me and Joshua ?!

The intense silence filled the class in a minute, no one dared to say a word excluding the spoiled one was bragging on his own. Joshua just tilted his head down while trying to calm himself from snapping at the stupid kid. He could feel Jeonghan's hand were trembling so he said in a small voice for only Jeonghan to hear:  
\- Hannie, please, you can't get angry. Do me a flavor, can you ?   
His younger brother just kept silent, he looked at him for some relieved signs but Jeonghan's expression was unreadable. The silence kept remaining until the teacher got in class, she noticed how intense and suffocating the atmosphere was so she clapped her hands to get the class's attention and told some funny side stories to brighten up the mood. Fortunately, the kids got distracted easily and quickly immersed into the stories.   


After class, all the kids happily got up and went back to their homes, no one seemed like they still remembered the "just happened" event. The twins were waiting at the lobby for their Papa when Jordan approached them. Jeonghan protectively moved toward Josh:   
\- Oh Jordan, it's pretty nice to see you again. (Jeonghan said sarcastically)   
\- Yeah, yeah. (Jordan huffed in annoyance) My question was left unanswered, what's an offence. I will tell it back to my dad, I can not stand this kind of attitude toward me!  
\- Why would you tell your dad, Jordan ? (Jeonghan asked in a cute voice while moving forward a bit)   
Joshua couldn't stop his stomach turning at the sight. He didn't know why, but hearing his lovable brother act cutely toward someone not him just made his heart curl in an ugly way. He unconsciously grabbed Jeonghan's elbow and pulled him back. Jeonghan yelped in surprise and pulled out of Joshua's grasp with a pout:   
\- What are you doing, Josh ?  
Joshua finally being conscious about his acts and quickly shook his head in denial:   
\- Nothing,.. sorry,.  
Jeonghan glanced at him questionably then turned back to his conversation with Jordan. He signed for Jordan to continue what he was going to say after Jordan looked at him for an answer about the suddenly interruption:   
\- Well, because my dad is really powerful, so is my mom. They will do everything I ask. (Jordan said proudly)   
\- Woah, really ?? (Jeonghan faked to be awed). What does your dad do ?  
\- He is the general chief here, the most powerful and greatest person in this whole world! (He stretched his hands out in a big motion).  
At that moment, Joshua saw their Papa's familiar car parked in the parking lot. He subtly tugged Jeonghan to let him know about their dad's arrival. But Jeonghan didn't seem to care, or he had seen it by himself but chose to ignore. Joshua didn't know which one was right, but the latter option seemed to have more possibility to happen. Jeonghan suddenly held his hand out of the blue and made Jordan frowned instantly:   
\- You shouldn't have done that, you know ? (Jordan looked away and shrugged) I mean siblings can be real close, but not to this extent. You two are acting like some,. I don't know,. simps ? Hmm, that's not really the right word,.. But yeah, your actions are so disgusting.  
\- Disgusting ? I bet you don't know what 'disgusting' really means so you are using it at ease.   
\- What ?! Who do you think I am ? I know everything!!   
\- So would you mind explaining its meaning then ? I'm curious to know.   
\- Easy-peasy! Disgusting ? (Jeonghan nodded, and Jordan seemed to notice the presence of their dad so he smirked) Like your dad then.   
\- What do you mean by it ?! (It's not Jeonghan's but Joshua's scream instead)   
Jordan snorted and crossed his arms toward his chest:  
\- So what kind of examples are more accurate ? I think there's not any-   
\- Joshua! Jeonghan!!   
Cutting off Jordan's words was their Papa calling for them, he walked toward the three and unknowingly gave his best smile to the going to insult him kid. Joshua quickly hugged Soonyoung's leg and pulled Jeonghan's sleeve to tell him to just go but Jeonghan wasn't that easy-going. If he wants to get it, he's gonna have it, no matter what it costs. He let go of Joshua's hand and pulled his Papa's sleeve instead:   
\- Papa, I wanna show you something. It's not a good one, but it's from the bottom of my heart, for both you and Joshua. If I do it will you get angry at me ? (He said in his cute voice)   
\- What ? How could I get angry at you, sweetie ? What are you going to do then ? I'm looking forward to it! (His Papa said innocently, clearly didn't have a clue about what his son was going to do)   
\- Papa, let's go please, it is not worth trying,.. (Joshua tried to plead but his dad didn't have any of it)   
\- Josh, it's fine, Hannie said it's a gift with his sincereness. (His Papa patted his head while smiling)   
\- No dad, it's not like what you are thinking,..  
Joshua knew it, "from the bottom of my heart", he knew Jeonghan very well, too well to know that that phrase meant things would be terrible. His younger brother never used it, especially when he was doing things for someone. He nervously watched Hannie unfolding his "precious gift" while gripping his Papa's sleeve:  
\- Jordan, hear me out, okay ?  
Only for Jordan's nod that Jeonghan showed his slyest and devious smile on his face, suddenly Joshua got goosebumps out of the blue:  
\- So Jordan, from what you said, your example was the most accurate one you could think of. But, I don't think so.   
\- What ? Why ?! (Jordan exclaimed)   
\- Because I have the more accurate one. Wanna hear it ?   
\- Yes!! (Jordan nodded intensively)   
-Disgusting huh ? (Jeonghan emphasised sarcastically) How about you then ? You're the most disgusting person I have ever known.  
\- You-!! (Jordan widened his eyes, Joshua swore if life was an animation, there would be smoke come out from his ears)  
\- Jeonghan!! (His Papa called him angrily) Why did you say that to your friend ?!  
\- Papa, don't get angry at him please,.. (Joshua tried to plead for his younger brother)   
\- Papa Youngie, you know I never use my words to hurt someone, right ?. Please let me show you the real reason behind it.  
Looked like using his dad's pet name did affect him in some ways, his father slowly exhaled, inhaled and gave Jeonghan a sign to continue. Jeonghan glanced at their Papa, then turned to him and got back to his left-in-the-middle conversation:   
\- I don't care about your family, because only yourself should take responsibility for your bullshit. You were acting like a jerk, like a stupid dumbass that no one could deal with you. I'm his son, so that meant I'm disgusting too, and it is kinda weird don't you think so when everyone loves me ?. Tell me, what could you do except speak nonsense ?. You are nothing without your dad, and I felt bad for him to have a son like you.  
Joshua widened his eyes in shock, he looked to his dad to realize he was gasping. Jeonghan stopped for a second then proceeded to continue:   
\- Why do I need to care about the way you look at me ? Why do I need to waste my time for someone that can't even be aware of their behaviours ?. I DON'T give a care about it, is that clear enough for you ?. I loved and looked up to my dads, who you said were bad and didn't deserve. But keep this in your mind, if yourself is a jerk, then you have no right to say anything.   
Jeonghan finally stopped, left Joshua, his Papa and especially Jordan speechless. He turned around and pulled both of their sleeves to drag them away. Soonyoung quickly bowed to the left behind kid and walked his sons to his car which was parked at the parking lot nearby. Joshua glanced at Jordan before following his family. Jeonghan seemed to be a bit pissed off by what just happened as he was crossing his arms toward his chest and was frowning. Soonyoung glanced at the kids, he opened his mouth to say something but closed it immediately, he slowly opened the door for the twins: Jeonghan climbed in and took his seat near the window first, then Joshua followed him. After the kids had settled, Soonyoung closed the door and got into the front seat, he subtly took a look at them through the rear-view mirror and started the engine. They still needed to pick up Wonwoo, who was still waiting at his school so Soonyoung decided to have a talk with them later at home. 

The road back home was so quiet. Wonwoo, who had already got picked up from his school, was so clueless about the atmosphere when he got into his Papa's car. He didn't dare to ask him as his expression was so unreadable, Wonwoo never liked it when he couldn't read people at all. He carefully whispered to one of his younger brothers, Joshua:   
\- Josh, what's happened ? Why does dad seem to be,... motionless ?   
His brother reluctantly looked at him for a moment then whispered back to him:   
\- There's something,.. happened, at our school, and I think Papa is pissed off by it.  
\- What is it exactly ?   
\- You know,.. just some unnecessary stuff that got us involved in it (Joshua subtly pointed at him and Jeonghan). But it's fine, hyung. I just don't know when Papa and Hannie will talk to each other.   
\- Can you tell me more, Joshua ?   
\- I don't think I should,.. how about letting Papa tell you about it ? I'm not really good with words as Han so I'm afraid I won't be able to describe it fully to you.  
To that, Wonwoo decided not to push the talk more. He knew his brother's reason was just an excuse, but if Joshua didn't feel ready enough to tell him, then he wouldn't force him to do that. He sat straight again and flicked his gaze to outside the window car. "Hope nothing too bad has happened", he thought to himself. 

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

They got back home eventually, Wonwoo opened the door first, he hopped out and stood beside to let his brothers get out. After the kids were all out, Soonyoung signed for them to get into home as he parked the car at their garage. Wonwoo watched Joshua holding Jeonghan's hand and whispering something to him. Not until the brunette met his eyes that he got startled and quickly moved forward to open the door. He let his brothers get in first and waited for his Papa, Soonyoung ruffled his hair and gave him a warm smile before they were welcomed by their Daddy and youngest brother:   
\- Welcome home, babe. (Jihoon said to his Papa while he was holding Chan). Welcome home to you too, kids. (Then he directed to him and his two brothers) How was your day ?   
\- Everything was fine Daddy! (Joshua answered a bit hastily) It's fine,.. (Then he said quietly)  
His daddy gave the twin a questionable look before turning to him with a smile:   
\- And how about you, Wonu ? Was everything okay at school ?   
\- Nothing happened, Daddy. It's just a bit sad that today didn't have Math.   
\- Young man. (His Daddy smirked). At your age, Math was the subject I hated the mos-   
\- Wonu hyung!  
His youngest brother called out for him and cut off his Daddy words. Channie excitedly squirmed in Jihoon's hold and kept spreading his arms towards his three older brothers:   
\- Hyungs! Hyungs! Play with me! (He beamed)  
\- (Jihoon pecked on Channie's chubby cheeks) Oh baby, your brothers just got back from school, let's them take a rest first, will you ? Besides, you just woke up from a fever. Do you wanna make your dads and your brothers sad ?  
Channie shook his heat and pouted cutely while gripping Jihoon's shirt. His eyes were sparkling like he was going to tear up but he didn't, he just said in a really small voice:   
\- If I'm okay, will hyungies play with me ?   
\- Yes, baby. They surely will-  
\- Daddy, Channie was ill ? (Not until now that Jeonghan decided to say something. He spoke in a worried voice) Is he still hurt ?  
\- No, baby. He's okay now. He just needs to drink his medicine later and he will be fine again.  
Jeonghan nodded and stayed silent while lowering his head. Jihoon looked at Soonyoung for an answer but his husband just shrugged. Joshua looked at his brother and shyly said to his dads:   
\- Papa, Daddy. Can me and Jeonghannie go to take a bath first ? We are a bit stink and I'm sure none of us like it. (He pleaded with his cute doe eyes)   
\- Remember to tie you-  
\- Okay, you can go. Jeonghan, you know we need to talk later, right ? Not only me, but with your Daddy too. (Didn't let his husband finish his words, Soonyoung already cut him off)   
\- Yes,.. Papa,.. (Jeonghan quietly replied)   
Soonyoung walked to Jihoon and picked Channie up from his husband's grasp. He pecked on Jihoon's cheek and make him hit Soonyoung on the shoulder, he smirked then turned to Wonwoo:   
\- Wonu, can you please take Channie with you ? I need to talk in private with your Daddy. (As he was saying, he also was giving Chan to Wonwoo)   
\- Um, yes Papa.   
\- Soonyoung, no-  
\- Thank you Wonu.   
Wonwoo held Chan in his arms and Soon urged to go away, he took one last weird glance at his Papa before heading to his room. Wait until Wonwoo was finally out of sight that Soonyoung whined:   
\- Babe, something happened at the twin school and,... (He leant on Jihoon shoulder and hugged him) I don't know what to do.   
\- Even though you told Jeonghan that you needed to talk ? (Soonyoung nodded while mumbling incoherent words) Okay, okay. Just stop whining as a baby, what happened exactly ?   
Soon slowly lifted his head up, pulled away then took a deep breath and started while holding his husband's hands:   
\- When I got there, they were standing with a kid I didn't know, so I politely bowed to him. Then suddenly, Jeonghan held my sleeves and told me that he got a gift, the really sincere one, to show me. And you know me well that I couldn't say no to the kids. So I told him to do what he was supposed to do. Then, he turned to that kid and told him he was disgusting-  
Jihoon suddenly squeezed Soonyoung's hands while widening his eyes as big as possible in shock. He asked in disbelief:   
\- What ?! Jeonghan told that boy that he was,.. ?!   
\- Disgusting. Yes, I got surprised too, like he might be really prankful and sometimes can be a bit savage but this was out of hand. But it's just what I thought at first.   
\- At first ? What do you mean ?! (He exclaimed)   
\- Calm down, babe. I can't continue if you keep being so tense like this. (Soonyoung kissed him to make him calm)   
\- I- (Then he shut his eyes tightly, inhaled deeply and opened them) Okay, I'm fine, I'm calm right now, please continue.  
\- (Soonyoung smiled and kissed him again, then he continued what he was saying) Because it took me all by surprise, so I scolded him right there. But he told me that he had a reason behind it, so I decided to let him finish. And the conversation just went on. But there's something, even though I was so upset with him, I couldn't help but feel proud.   
\- What is that ? (His husband got curious)   
\- "I loved and looked up to my dads", just one simple sentence that brought my heart to swell up, you remember those early days when they were scared of us ? I feel like our effort has been paid up. (Soonyoung suddenly sniffed out of sudden)  
Jihoon was so upset, however when he heard what his husband had said, something inside him just melted:   
\- He does,.. look up to us ? (He said slowly, afraid that what he heard was wrong)   
\- Yes, Jihoonie, he does. I felt so proud when I heard him say it. Geez,.. He made such an old man like me feel flush like the first time he confessed to his husband.   
\- Shut up, you idiot! (Jihoon nudged him playfully)   
To be honest, he did feel proud too, knowing that his sons, especially the twins, looked up to someone like him and his husband just made him feel a tug of his heart. He felt a bit relieved somehow and shook his husband's hands:   
\- Okay, okay. That's enough flushing, let's get to the main point, can you describe to me how did the conversation go ? I wanna know how it went after that.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

\- I hope dads won't get too angry at you.  
Joshua said while unpacking his bag and Jeonghan was lying down on his bed. They had taken a bath already, even though it's just an excuse to flee. Jeonghan sighed dramatically and got up to grab the towel and dry his long lilac hair. Joshua eventually dropped his things and went to help his brother:   
\- You should have dried your hair before lying down, Hannie ah. (He said quietly while gently drying Jeonghan's hair with a hairdryer)  
\- I hope so too,.. (Jeonghan replied after a few moments)   
\- Huh ?  
\- Dad won't get too upset on me to kick me out, right ?   
\- Then why did you say that to Jordan ?   
\- Because he was such a jerk, I could never stand letting him insult who I love.   
Suddenly Joshua felt his face getting hotter out of the blue, but he managed to refrain himself from freaking out and continue the conversation:   
\- That sounds like what Papa surely would do if he was in your situation.   
\- Ughh,.. (Jeonghan groaned) Would they kick me out because I was misbehaving and didn't listen ? I don't want to go back to that orphanage at all, they're the worst!!   
\- Of course no, Han. It's apparently that Papa will never be able to do that. (Shua tried to comfort him)   
\- How about Daddy ? Will he do it when Papa doesn't ?   
\- You silly, stop doubting their love for you, you are underestimating them. They love you a lot and that has been showing so clearly through years. Why would you think they could do that ? (He put the hairdryer down)  
\- I don't know, people change, (Han shrugged) Shua. What if they don't love us anymore ?,... (Then he tilted his head in sadden)   
\- Oh come on, Hannie, look at me. (Shua said in his most cheerful voice to get Jeonghan's attention)   
His heart did sink at the sight of a usually cheerful and confident Jeonghan getting sad like a kicked puppy, worrying he might get punished even though it's clearly that it could never happen. But he knew Jeonghan, he always had doubt even in the most obvious situation, so he just did what he thought was the best. Jeonghan turned to him while pouting and frowning. Joshua held Jeonghan close to him in the waist and made him look at Josh in the eyes:   
\- Yoon Jeonghan, if you are sent back to that orphanage, then this Hong Jisoo would go with you, even though no doubt it could happen. But I will always be at your side no matter what. Okay? (Shua quirked his browns playfully while Jeonghan hit his chest with a smile)   
\- What ? You stupid, you don't need to stay with me all the time, there's no need to do that, you know. If you stick to me too much, what can I do ? (Jeonghan asked mischievously) You should be with someone rather than me, Joshuji. What if you can't get along well with someone else because of sticking to me for too long ?  
\- I don't care about them, I only care for you, only you, and our family. (He smelt in his vanilla sweet scent and held him tightly)   
\- You're so hopeless, Shua. (Jeonghan said jokingly while laughing and hugging Joshua back)   
\- (He eventually smiled and put his head on Jeonghan's shoulder while closing his eyes) I meant what I said, I love you, Hannie.   
Then he pulled away to look at Jeonghan in his eyes while his hands were still on Jeonghan's waist. He smiled fondly while his Hannie was giving him one of his best smiles, he moved forward slowly and kissed Jeonghan's cheek out of sudden. Jeonghan got startled and looked at him with his big round eyes filled with surprise. But Joshua just said nonchalantly:  
\- I love you, Han.  
\- … I love you too, Shua. But you surprised me.   
\- Yeah, I know.   
\- … What do you expect me to do ?... (He mumbled)  
\- What did you say, Hannie ? I couldn't hear you.   
\- No! Nothing! (He replied hastily)  
Joshua looked at him questionably but he decided to just put it aside:  
\- Hannie ?   
\- Huh ?  
\- Can I say something ?   
\- I'm listening ? (Jeonghan quirked his browns)  
\- Don't go where I can't follow, please ? I would turn insane if you are not there.   
\- I promise to you, Joshua: I am always here rooting for you. Don't worry. I would not be able to control myself too if you aren't by my side.   
Then Jeonghan hugged him, tightly. He felt a tug of his heart then he hugged him back while smiling. He meant what he said honestly. He could never lie, especially toward Jeonghan, he didn't know why, but he just couldn't have the heart to do that. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door and he could hear his Papa's familiar voice outside:   
\- Kids, can I come in ?   
\- That's Papa, right ? (Jeonghan asked him)   
He nodded and drew a sad smile as he could see how nervous Jeonghan instantly became. He pinched Jeonghan's squishy cheeks and made he yelp in surprise:   
\- Hey!! What was-  
\- Just tell Papa Youngie the truth. He's our Papa, he eventually will understand. Don't worry, I got your back.   
Jeonghan looked at him with an unreadable expression, but he nodded finally and pulled away from Joshua's hold. He smiled shyly and glanced at Joshua before opening the door. Joshua gave him his best smile too and watched him and his Papa talking. Jeonghan whispered something to his Papa and walked out of the room after that. He just sat there and watched them. He wanted to do something too, but Jeonghan had already stated that he didn't like it when Joshua stepped in his problem too much. He felt kinda hurt, but it was understandable. 

After a while, while he was doing their art assignments, his Daddy peeked out from the left opening door and smiled warily at him:   
\- Joshua ?   
\- Yes, Daddy ? (He turned to look at him properly)  
\- Can you come to the living room for a second ? We wanna talk to you.   
\- Umm,.. Okay ?   
Joshua left what he was doing and followed his Daddy coming downstairs, he could see Jeonghan and his Papa Youngie's hairs peeking from the sofa: Jeonghan was on his lap and his Papa was hugging him from behind. Jihoon ushered him to the sofa and let him sit down near Soonyoung. "He seems fine.", Joshua thought to himself as he watched his Papa and Jeonghan teasing each other. He felt relieved as things seemed to be okay. His Daddy sat down near him and held his small hands:  
\- Joshua ? (Jihoon said in his softest voice)   
\- Yes ?   
\- You don't need to hide anything from us, sweetie. Please ?  
\- I'm not hiding anything ? (He quirked his browns)  
\- We've talked to Jeonghan and he has told us everything. (Jihoon stated firmly) Why didn't you tell us anything had happened to you at school ?   
\- What did Hannie tell you, Dad ? (He asked his Dad back in rather surprise. Wait a second, why did his dads know about what had happened at school to him ?, except the event today of course)  
\- I told everything, Joshuji. Like, every single thing. (Jeonghan spoke up from the side)  
\- (He turned to Jeonghan and asked in disbelief) How did you know, Hannie ? I meant, all the fights have happened to me at school. I didn't tell you any, except the one that happened today. But how ?   
\- Because you seemed to get used to it (Jeonghan gestured), it showed clearly on your face.   
\- Was it that,.. obvious ? (He scratched his head awkwardly)   
\- I know you pretty well to notice all that. You never give care to someone else's false words aimed at you. But your expression back then said otherwise, you seemed to avoid the talk, completely, not ignore it like usual. So I just assumed that it wasn't the first time you were put in such a situation.

Surprise was all he felt along with some unknown feelings that he didn't know how to describe them in exact. Suddenly his Daddy lifted him up and put him on his lap:   
\- So Joshua, do you want to say something to us ?  
\- Umm,... (He gulped), I'm sorry, for hiding things from you guys, I thought I could solve it by myself. I mean, it's not a really big problem, just some "unfriendly" talk,.. I don't want to bother you two as you have a lot of work to do.  
\- Well, (Soonyoung sighed) we don't really force you to tell us if you don't feel comfortable to do so. But we surely will feel sad if you think you are bothering us. You are our son, and helping you is our responsibility. We always root for you no matter what.   
\- (Jihoon started gently) Yes, darling. We love you, so please don't hide from us, we might not be the best parents, but we will try our best for you.   
Joshua just nodded. He knew it, he knew how they can do anything for their sons. But, he's scared, just scared in general. Something inside him pulled him back and told him it wasn't worth doing, albeit he wanted to tell them so badly. He didn't dare to say his thought because obviously his parents and brother would overthink again, so he just shut up and lied to them:   
\- I'm sorry for making you guys worry. I,... (He gulped) won't do it ever again, I promise!. If something happens, I won't hide from you all.  
\- (Fortunately, Jihoon smiled at him, his Daddy seemed to not notice how bad his lies were) I'm glad to hear that, Jisoo.  
\- Joshua, (His Papa looked at him fondly) remember that you don't have to tell us when you are not ready yet, okay ? (He nodded), but don't hide from us and think that you will bother us. We are more than glad to help you with your problems.   
\- I got it, thank you Daddy and Papa.   
He got up and opened his arms to ask for a hug from both of his lovable parents. They cooed at him and Jihoon slowly wrapped his son with a tight embrace. Soonyoung put Jeonghan down and kissed him on his cheek:  
\- Come have a big hug with them. (His Papa said with his eyes smile to Jeonghan)   
Jeonghan nodded and hurriedly rushed to the hug, he climbed on the sofa and wrapped his small arms around his Daddy's waist and snuggled into his shirt. His Papa showed a weird expression Joshua didn't know which words can describe it the most accurate, maybe his Papa was somehow affected by it but he didn't know:   
\- I'M COMIN'!! (His Papa suddenly exclaimed)   
\- Don't you dare- !!  
But since when did his Papa listen to his Daddy's words when it came to showing affection ?, maybe never. Soonyoung hugged all of them from the side, and put his fitted and muscle arms around Joshua. He snuggled into Jihoon's neck crook and caressed like a puppy:   
\- You all are my precious family. I wish Wonu could be here, that smart brat, only loves his books. I will freaking make sure he will be here next time we have a family hug.  
\- SOONYOUNG!   
\- What ?! I used freaking not,... that word!   
\- Both of them are not allowed in front of the kids!  
\- They are old enough Jihoonie, right guys ? You know that word ? F-   
\- KWON SOONYOUNG!!   
He and his brother just laughed while his dads were busy bickering. He eyed Jeonghan and realized his brother was also looking at him, he could see Hannie mouthed: I love you. He smiled back reassuringly and whispered: 

\- I love you too, Hannie.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

They went back to their room after having done their nightly routine. Their dads had already bid them a goodbye before heading back to their own bed. He was going to lie down when he felt his brother tugging his sleeve:   
\- Joshuji, can I sleep with you tonight ?  
He looked at his brother: he was wearing a plain oversized shirt, which fell down to his knees and it was an old shirt from Daddy, he must be wearing something underneath, right ?. He was also holding his stuffed rabbit in his arms. "Cute", Joshua thought. He nodded and let his brother get in his bed first. He locked the door, turned off the light, turned on the night lamp then lied down near Jeonghan:   
\- Aren't you cold ? (He said while pulling his blanket upon both of them)   
\- Not really, I don't feel that cold. (Jeonghan shrugged)   
He hummed back as a reply. He turned to his brother, Jeonghan was tying his hair up, but there were still some left out strands and were falling down his face. Joshua moved his hand carefully and brushed them off to the side:   
\- Your hair has grown longer than before, Hannie.  
\- I am planning to cut it soon.  
\- Why ?   
\- I don't wanna have it reach my waist. Moreover, having long hair is kinda annoying.  
\- So when will you cut it ?   
\- Don't know. I still wanna keep it now.   
\- Personally, I like your long hair better.  
\- I know, you are always playing with my hair. (His brother replied while slowly closing his eyes). I'm sleepy, just sleep Joshuji. (And hugged his stuffed rabbit tightly to his chest) 

He took a short glance at him and moved forward to wrap Jeonghan in his arms: he put his hands around Jeonghan's waist and pulled him close to his chest, then he put his chin on his head and rested there. He was going to close his eyes but suddenly he remembered something and slightly lifted Jeonghan's face up and pecked on his nose. While closing his eyes, Jeonghan whispered into Joshua's chest:   
\- Joshuji, I don't think you should keep doing those actions in front of everyone.  
\- What do you mean ?   
\- You know, if you keep being like this to me, Jordan might trouble you more than now. I don't want you to get in trouble once again.   
\- Silly, (He said steadily, even though he felt hurt when Jeonghan said that) Didn't I tell you I don't really care about him ? He just spoke nonsense and you knew me really well that I never put those words into thought.   
\- If you say so, I'm just afraid of you getting hurt again.   
\- Don't. You can never hurt me, I know it. Just sleep Hannie.   
Joshua held him tightly while Jeonghan replied to him quietly: 

\- What if I do,... ?

He hasn't been able to sleep yet , even though his brother has already been sleeping soundly. He kept thinking about Jordan's words and what Jeonghan had said. Jordan might be right for some parts, because now to think about his affection toward Jeonghan, something seemed not right. He paid him too much attention, he said he loved him more than needed, he,.. he needed him more than enough. Seungcheol and Hansol were his friends, and they were also siblings, but Seungcheol never had actions like that toward Hansol like him, not a bit. "Are you guys really siblings ?", he flashbacked to Jordan's sarcastic saying. He was sure they were real siblings, because he knew one fact that they were related to blood. But, why was he so firm about that ?. He never knew more, aside the fact that they were orphans, then it stopped at that. What if they weren't ?. They used to get adopted separately once, Joshua was first then Jeonghan, that was why they had different surnames: Hong Jisoo and Yoon Jeonghan when actually they were only: Jisoo, Jeonghan. Joshua was named by his first adopting family: they were American and Hong was their surname then it adapted from that. He knew they were siblings, twins in particular, because people around them always directed them as :"J twin". But if they were twins, why didn't the orphanage say something about it ? Like, they should have informed the adopter about the relationship between them, shouldn't they ?. They got adopted separately and that was peculiar to him.

Jeonghan was always following him everywhere and when, he also remembered always holding Jeonghan's hands since the first moment he learnt about his surroundings. They were always there for each other, they were each other's shadow and light in the life called "orphanage" back then. Now to think about it, since when all the kisses, all the hugging, all the holding hands became such normal like this ?. Siblings never did that for sure, the only people he knew who frequently did that were his parents. And they loved each other, in a romantic way. Did it mean,... he loved Jeonghan like the way his Papa loved his Daddy ?. He didn't, right ?. But if it wasn't, then which ways could explain ?. He felt like the deeper he digged, the more scary it was. He felt hopeless at that thought, he slided down a bit to snuggle into Jeonghan's neck crook. 

………….  
"Do I love you, Hannie,..", he whispered to himself. "Do I love you more than what a platonic relationship is ?", he had no clue. Loving your sibling in a romantic way, was always so gross and considered to be against the moral, how could you do that ? How could Joshua do that ?. No one ever could, and Joshua never could. Or could he ?. He nearly broke into tears but managed to stop as worried that he might wake up Jeonghan from his sleep. He took a deep breath and decided to stop lingering on the thought. He shut his eyes and tried to soothe himself to sleep. 

But it didn't stop at that. More things would happen to make him realize that, himself was never able to be what people called: gentleman, he never deserved the love from his brother. 


End file.
